Originally on elephant journal.
Maybe you can get what you’re looking for from outside yourself… But you don’t really want to.
Maybe there’s someone who loves you deeply and shows you in every moment just how much you mean to them… But you know the recognition you crave is your own.
Maybe there’s someone who wants to give you everything, who is just waiting for you to ask… But what you long for is to know, with certainty, that you can, and will, always give it to yourself.
Maybe you’ve fallen in love; found someone to laugh with, to have adventures with and stay up late with… But you retain your own form and never lose sight of who you are.
This is how it feels to know your own gravity.
This is how it feels to have an undeniable magnetic force that pulls you, always leading you back to yourself if ever you veer away.
This is how it feels to walk through the world knowing you are already enough and you already have enough and no matter what life gives you or what life takes away, that will never change. Gravity is gravity.
But maybe you haven’t quite felt your gravity yet. And that’s okay too.
Sometimes we need to feel flimsy and weightless first before we find an imperative to build our solidity.
Maybe there is someone whom you love deeply and you yearn for them to show you how much you’re worth. But you’re still waiting.
Maybe there is someone whom you wish would give you everything you wanted but they don’t offer. And you’re still waiting.
Maybe you’ve fallen in love with someone who fills the emptiness and makes you feel whole, someone you want to laugh with, to have adventures with and stay up late with.
Or maybe you’re still waiting for them too.
But maybe you have a secret prayer that one day you’ll find out it was always meant to be you; that you are the love of your life and the one you’ve been waiting for.
And if that is your secret prayer, maybe it goes something like this:
Dear universe, please don’t send me anyone that I might mistake as my savior.
Don’t let them come along and sweep me off my feet before I learn to stand on my own.
Don’t let them bring meaning to my life before I discover my own life’s meaning.
Don’t let them bring peace to me before I learn to make peace with myself.
Don’t let them complete me before I know I’m already complete.
Universe, please don’t let anyone save me.
Instead, let me get either so desperate or so inspired that I decide I’m ready to save myself.
Let my life, as I know it, fall apart so that I may rebuild it using desire as my blueprint.
Let me discover what ignites my spark so that romantic love is just one of my many loves.
Let me experience such profound solitude that I gain the deepest kind of intimacy with myself.
Let me lose everything so that I no longer fear losing any of it.
Universe, please give me the chance to become the one worthy of saving me.